I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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