She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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