so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
