drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
