you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
