Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
