i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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