Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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