Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
