Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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