she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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