i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize