just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
