I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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