I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
