i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
