She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
