Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
