12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
