idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
