I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
