I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
