he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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