So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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