sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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