By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize