sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
