Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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