Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
