Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize