i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Randomize
