the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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