Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
