The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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