You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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