So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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