My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
