The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
