ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize