I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
