I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
