Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
