I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
