Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
