You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
