your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
