Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
