That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
All the doctor said was why
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
