i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
