I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
