FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize