dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
