brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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