she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
