You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
