i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
