Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize