Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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