I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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