His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
