His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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