That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
