My cat gives me a boner
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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