If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
