goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
