The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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