all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
