Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
