I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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