all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize