his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize