I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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