I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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