Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
