Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
