You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
