i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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