Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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