So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize