Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
