Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
