I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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