If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
